Of silence and alter ego

I keep my mouth shut for three reasons: 1.) I am in pain; 2.) my mind is telling me something and I need total silence; 3.) Cupid is poking this stupid heart.

Alter ego: What the hell, Dennis? You've been too melodramatic lately! What are these posts about love and pain? What the fuck is going on with you? Have you forgotten that you should not fall in love? Have you been weak? Did you let her get you? Did you let her go inside? Did you let her?

Me: I did and I am sorry. I have not forgotten that I shouldn't fall in love. But I did and it's not that bad at all.

Alter ego: Not that bad? Let me remind you of her, then.

Me: You don't have to do this.

Alter ego: Yes, I have to. Let me remind you of the catastrophic history that almost ruined your entire life.

Me: It is the part of my past that haunts me until now. You don't have to tell me what I've been through because I've been carrying the shitload of pain with me all throughout these years and I assure you I am still badly wounded.

Alter ego: But here you are doing it again.

Me: You've seen her, haven't you? You know how I feel about her. You know it's different. You know this isn't going to be a major screw-up. This is it, man. I know you know.

Alter ego: And I've seen you being hurt, Dennis. Remember those nights? Remember all the fucked up nights you have to go through? Remember the days inside campus that everything felt void and you are but a shadow of a broken soul? All I'm saying is that I don't want to see you hurt yourself again. You worked so hard getting up. You collected all the pieces of that broken heart and tried to piece it back together. You worked so hard for everything inside you to be right again, man. And here you are throwing it out again to the void. You said so yourself that she isn't feeling the same way. Why are you doing this?

Me: Man, love isn't about getting something back. Love is total sacrifice. I've said it many times: even if she doesn't love me I will still love her. That's the gist of it.

Alter ego: But you are hurt. A part of you wants something back. A part of you wants her to love you. That part will be your major screw-up, man.

Me: That part is you.

Alter ego: And it is you.